But, but, but I want moooorrrreeeee!!!

I don’t know why Hubby won’t let me buy more exercise stuff.  I don’t really have that much!

Actually, when you pile it all neat and tidy like that it doesn’t look like much at all.  Meanie-head you say?  Nah.  He’d gladly buy me pretty much whatever exercise gadget or DVD that I wanted.  So why doesn’t he?  Well, probably because before I took the picture  I had to dust it all off.  The Ab Lounger was given to us by my father-in-law and if you just happened to pop in unannounced you’d find it covered with a Sponge Bob Square Pants sheet because the cats like to use it as a bed.  The ball and circle thingy (yoga ring)  in front of it were a birthday present from my biological mom and the Reebok weights were from my Aunt Nancy.  If you squint really hard you can see the Brazil Butt Lift that I just had to have after seeing an infomercial in the middle of the night so Hubby caved and ordered it.  All of those were bought for me with promises I would use them- which I do…..sometimes.  In fact, at this very moment I’m bouncing on the ball with the circle thingy between my thighs squeezing away.  🙂

I begged for the Reebok Step.  I told Hubby I wouldn’t ask for take out for two weeks if he bought it.  Instead we ordered take out for two weeks.  Then I bought it for myself a few months later after I’d gained 20 pounds.  In all honesty, if it had come with a decent DVD I would use it a lot more- ok, I’d use it period.  Instead, the cats tend to use it as a scratching post if I don’t put it away (or my 17 year old uses it to sit on when she washes the tires on her car).  The weight bar Hubby bought when he decided to get buff several years ago.  I think he’s used it about as many times as I’ve used the step although, in his defense, it needed those metal things on the ends to keep the weights from falling off which he finally bought.   The mini-trampoline was a hand-me-down for the kids but don’t tell them that- they think it’s mommy’s, Shhhhh.  The sparkly hula hoop, yup, that’s mine, too!  The kids know not to touch that because they’ve already bent two.  Those are fabulous ab workouts!  My 17 year old and I spent an entire hour hula hooping one night- whew did my abs hurt the next day.

That little purple thing on the left is my Go Fit kettlebell which is another great workout even though the DVD is uber cheesy and I’ve yet to find another one.  I’m tempted to make one myself but for now I use the one it came with and some youtube videos.  On the other side is one set of weighted balls (there’s no telling where the little kids hid the other set) although I’ve never really understood the best way to use them.  My 7 year old son uses them to beef up his little muscles for baseball- it’s adorable.

As I was typing this I figured I should probably take a closer picture of the DVD basket so, there ya go!  On the sides are ankle weights which I also use as wrist weights (they’d work better if I didn’t have scrawny wrists which, by the way, are the only scrawny part of my body).  The black and yellow set came with the Brazil Butt Lift Deluxe Pack- oooolala- along with the green and yellow bands.  There’s a red one floating around the house somewhere- Hubby used it to shape his baseball glove….no comment.  The blue ones I bought just because.  I’m not really sure why I still have the Legs and Arms video since the only VCR in the house is in the little kid’s playroom and mommy’s not allowed to touch it.  The Billy Blanks DVD’s which retail for $14.99 a piece I got at Goodwill for $1.oo a piece.  That reminds me, I need to do a post about that.  Those I start, but take out after about 10 minutes and do The Core Rhythms because the warm up kicks my butt.  Core Rhythms came from one of the weight loss contests I was in because I didn’t want the gym membership (I’m sooooo not a gym rat, I’ve tried, it doesn’t work).  I could do Core Rhythms every day, loads of fun and I sweat my non-Latin booty off.  Oh, yes, the Carmen Electra Striptease DVD’s.  Ummmm, she should stick to modeling because she’s worse at teaching a dance DVD than she is at acting- still love her though!  Crunch Go-Go Dancing is another DVD I absolutely love.  The only problem is that it’s been missing for 6 months and I’m NOT happy.  I got Buns of Steel because my butt looked hawt after doing the original Buns of Steel video I used to have after baby #2.  Something changed in 10 years because I don’t think I’ve ever made it to the end of the new DVD- it’s hard!  The Pussycat Dolls dance DVD I got when F.Y.E was going out of business along with the Denise Austin Power Zone Pilates DVD.  I was ready to give the first one a horrible review until I did it two more times.  Being a former dancer I was looking for more than one or two counts of eight but it’s grown on me.  The pilates…uhhhhh….I think I took the wrapper off- maybe.  On the end is Brazil Butt Lift which is fantastic- I just need to stick with it and follow the schedule.  In the front are the lame Reebok Step DVD’s, free McDonald’s DVD’s I got when they released their new 3 servings sized “healthy” salads which I always got with fried chicken instead of grilled- tastes better.  Oh and the Walk Away the Pounds DVD which I opened then lost the case.  It’s probably got the Go-Go Dance DVD in it.

Last but not least is my trusty dusty (only thing I never have to actually dust off) iPod which I bought for myself and absolutely adore.  It’s ADD friendly with only one big button to push, yay!  I plug it in my head when I’m cleaning the house, ironing and making dinner but only when the older kids aren’t around because it would be extremely embarrassing to be caught boogieing down to the 80’s in front of them.  I also threw in my measuring tape which I use to track my non-existant results after learning that scales were evil inventions made by the Devil himself.  Oh, geez, DOH!  I almost forgot!  Not pictured are the P90X DVD’s because ummmmm, they were uhhhh given to me and (looks around whistling) aren’t in the original cases….or on the original discs.  Sorry Tony!

So see?  I really don’t have that much!  (But you should see my wish list, heeheehee)

Starting over…again…again

I’ve ripped all the charts and workout schedules off the wall. They aren’t working. On April 3rd I typed up and printed out a two month plan filled with unrealistic fat burning workouts.

Saturday, Sunday and Monday are scratched off…..it’s May 13th. First I developed a really bad cold. When I was better I jumped back in and went on a 5 mile walk/jog. My hip gave out after two miles and the rest of me gave out after another two. I woke up the next morning and the front of my ankles hurt REALLY bad. This has happened after long walks before so if I ever join an online dating service I probably won’t be adding “loves long walks on the beach.” Or it could be my shoes? Hey Reebok, Nike, Adidas, want to toss me some shoes to try? No? Ok, it was worth a shot.

Anyway (I told you I had ADD, haha) after recovering from sore ankles I got that monthly thing. I tried to exercise through the cramps but when I started yelling for an epidural I had to give up. By the way, epidurals should be sold over the counter in my opinion. So another month slid by and I am still squeezing into my too small clothes and trying to tuck my muffin top into my jeans (FYI, it doesn’t work).

The good news? The two pounds I gained from stuffing my face with Red Lobster on Mother’s Day is gone. Thank you Brazil Butt Lift!