Slow and steady!!!

The first picture is from last fall but I’m still damn proud.  I hit 153.3 in the spring of 2013 after being rear ended.  It took about a year to get and stay under 140 lbs and another year to hit and stay under 130.  During our last 2 challenges, I maintained my weight staying in the 129-131 range.  We began a new one about two weeks ago and I saw 126.6 for the first time in several years.

12235133_10208085194714424_1057883123288829991_nI told my husband, yesterday, that I no longer walk with my head down, hiding myself.  I walk through parking lots and stores with my head held high.  I’m learning to love myself, both inside and outside, more and more every day.  I’m not perfect and I never will be.  My body has been through five pregnancies and births.  I’ve been broken and bruised.  I get older every day.  But I fight to make myself a better person and fight myself to love me.

I’m not where I want to be but I’ll get there.  I decided, yesterday, to cancel my WBFF goal.  I’m not ready mentally or physically.  I may never be ready.  If I do a fitness show, great.  If I don’t, I’m not going to beat myself up about it.  It takes extreme dedication and I’m just not there right now.  I may never be.  But I’m not a failure.  I push myself a little more every day.  I’ll get to where I want to be on my own time.  Right this minute, I’m extremely happy with how I look today.  I’ve even become comfortable enough without primping before taking pictures- no make up and I’m pretty sure that’s what my hair looked like when I woke up.

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Work hard, take things slow, learn to love yourself and never give up.  You will get there eventually. ❤

 

Love yourself. Why you don’t.

We have 2 more days of focusing on ourselves and trying to boost our self esteem with the Love Yourself Challenge. I hit the moms hard this morning with a big assignment. What’s your story?

“Day 34 Today and tomorrow, you are going to dig deep so try to put a little bit of time aside. For any of you who don’t have self esteem issues, thank you for putting up with those of us that do this week. We are all different with diverse goals.

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Today, please email me your reason for your self esteem problems. Did something happen to you as a child? Were you in an abusive relationship? Have you allowed family to suck the life out of you? Do you have health issues. If you’ve overcome this hurdle, share how. If you’ve started to make progress, share/explain. You all are the inspiration of each other. Grab a glass of wine, a box of tissues and dig deep. I know I’ll need those things when I read them! If you are open to me sharing- anonymously- please let me know. If you want to keep it between you and I, that’s perfectly fine. (This should be different than your WHY which is tomorrow’s exercise.) I’m trying to stay on top of things better this go round and do still intend to share some of things from the last challenge. This week, I’ve started sharing our daily pinned posts on my Real Fit Mom blog to help the 4 people who read it. LOL #doyoubeyou #doyoubeyouforyou

Turn it up, ladies!!!”

 

Find ONE body part you LOVE.

We are going to rewind a bit.  This week, during our Relentless II challenge, we are working on loving ourselves.  Even the prettiest, hottest, most confident of women have self esteem issues.  We just don’t realize it.  We are our harshest critics.

Many of my fitness moms, myself included, have self esteem issues.  We touched on it during the last challenge and are hitting it head on this time.

Here is my post from the first day of this weekly challenge:

Day 29 This week we are focusing on loving yourself. There will be different challenges every day. You are going to have to look at yourself inside and out. I will be asking members for their permission to share pictures, comments and stories with others outside of this group. I’ll ask for each challenge so you will have the option to say no each time.
Today, I’d like you to post a picture of your favorite body part. If you agree to have it shared and you pick your boobs/butt, make sure you at least have booty shorts/bathing suit or sports bra! I’m going to make a collage to share on my RFM blog and on TBMG. The favorite body part has to be from YOUR body!!! If you can, crop to JUST show that one part. Please take this seriously and don’t send a picture of a finger!!! Many of us have self esteem issues and have expressed the desire to work on it. This is Step One.

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I know this is hard.  It was hard for me.  But all of these moms found something that they loved about themselves.  AND they shared a picture.  Both are monumental.

What is the body part that you love most about YOU?

Love yourself. Make time for yourself.

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As wives, our focus can shift to our husbands. As moms, some of that focus shifts to our children- a LOT of that focus. We tend to forget that we are women FIRST. You were not a wife first. You were not a mom first. You were a woman first. We NEED to remember to make time for US. When we do, we can be better wives, mothers and better people. Focusing even 10 minutes on yourself a day can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself. Take time to do your hair instead of whipping it into a ponytail. Throw on some make up. Take a walk by yourself. Read a book. Take a bath. MAKE the time for you.

What is one thing that you do for yourself, daily? If you don’t do anything now, what is one thing that you will start doing for yourself, daily?

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Self esteem…Don’t have it, work on it!

This week, I asked my fitness challenge moms to think about then write down why they joined.  I knew this wouldn’t be an easy exercise.  They had to dig deep.  They had to really look at themselves.  They needed to figure out where things went wrong and how to change them.

I’d chatted with some of the moms at the beginning of the challenge and found that several of them struggled with self esteem, as do I.  We are our harshest critics.  A million people could tell us that we are beautiful but we don’t see it.  Some have been bullied, some gained a lot of weight, some had family issues growing up.  But all of us are adults now and we are all working to let go of the things that have held us down.

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When I was in junior high, there was a girl* who lived on the next street.  She was a grade ahead of me and her brother was a grade below me.  She was awful.  Just plain awful.  She didn’t like that I was friends with her brother and went to the Dean one day saying that I’d done something sexual to him (I didn’t even know what the term she used meant and this was way before the Internet).  I’ll never forget the worst day with her.  I stayed after school to try out for the dance team.  I had to get something out of my locker so I was alone in the common area.  She had just gotten out of detention (shocking) with a few of her friends.  She had a ball of clay and started breaking off little pieces throwing them at my face.  She called me a slut, a whore, worthless, ugly, hideous, etc.  I didn’t understand what I’d ever done to her for her to hate me so much.  I’d never even come close to having sex with a guy so I didn’t understand why she called me those names either.  Junior high was absolutely horrible for me.  Yes, I had a lot of friends and yes, I had a good time but because of the bullying, I lost my self esteem.  I thought I was ugly.

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I allowed this girl and her friends to make me feel inferior.

 

I’m 42 and I’m tired of letting those girls have control over my life.  I want to be happy with myself.  I want to love myself.  I want to walk through the rest of my life with my head held high.

It’s not easy.  You can’t just wake up one day and say, “Wahoo!  All that shit is in the past and now I love myself.”  It’s a long and grueling process.    Even though I was skinny growing up and was thin after having my first four babies I still felt uncomfortable with my body.  Things got really bad after having #5 at 33.  They got even worse after I was rear ended and couldn’t exercise.  I look at the picture of me at 153 lbs and think, “That’s not me.”  I know I’ll never be 103 lbs again and I don’t want to be.  The low 120’s is perfect for my petite frame and I’m almost there.  I love putting my hands on my waist and actually feeling my waistline again.  I love not hiding from my husband when I change clothes.  I love putting on a pair of jeans from 6 years ago and being able to zip AND button them.  I’m going to love wearing a bikini this spring (I’ve always worn one, just didn’t feel comfortable).

I’m learning to love my body.  Learning to love the face in the mirror is the most difficult.  I’m trying.  I’ve taken and posted more pictures of myself on Facebook in the last month than in the last year, probably.  I want my kids to have happy memories with me.  That’s one of my biggest motivations.  The other is my husband.  I’m learning to say, “Thank you” when he compliments me instead of picking myself apart.

We CAN feel good about ourselves.  If I help ONE mom get over that hump and learn to love herself after this challenge, I’ll be happy.  Anything more than that is fat free icing on a sugar free cake.  I want to change my life and change other’s lives in the process.  Together, we can do this.

No excuses. Believe in yourself.  Do you, be you.