Fitness bullying. Don’t be an asshole.

Bullying comes in all forms and it only seems to be getting worse.  Deciding to get yourself fit and healthy is a personal decision, one that is made by you, for you.  You’re excited.  You’re especially excited when you start noticing positive changes.  So, you share your happiness on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.  For others who know what you’re going through or have been in your shoes, you’ll see comments like, “That’s awesome!”  “Keep up the great work!”  “Way to go!”  I love seeing these.  These are your “people.”

You don’t expect to be bullied by haters.  They are probably too lazy to get up off of their fat asses, or they may have self esteem issues and just want to bash others to make themselves feel better.  You, know, the ones who say, “You don’t need to lose weight” or “Why do you have to post every time you workout?” or “Oh, look, Katie is at the gym again, shocking.”

I’ve seen friends APOLOGIZE for posting about a 5k success, or going to the gym, or losing 5 pounds or skipping McDonald’s and eating a healthy, homemade snack.  It’s YOUR social media page!  It’s YOUR life!  If someone makes a nasty comment on a post or sends you a private message because they are too chicken shit to call you out in front of those who support you, delete the bitches.  Block them, message back for them to unfollow you, or click the option to hide them when you post about getting fit and healthy.  Whatever you do, don’t let them bring you down.  And never, ever, EVER apologize for posting your fit and healthy successes no matter how big or how small they may be.  Ever.

Never. Ever.

12472372_10209102213099248_5029504665586219505_n  I ignored the haters!!!

If YOU are one of these assholes, STOP.  Who are you to tell someone if they need to lose weight or not?  Are you their doctor?  Nope.  Why do you think it’s your business to say something negative because she ran her first 5k or beat her previous time by 30 seconds? It’s not.  Yes, she posted it out there for all to see.  But, she posted it because she wanted to share something positive.  I can almost guarantee no one posts something so others will leave nasty comments.  Would you tell her to her face that you don’t give a flying flip that she just squatted 100 lbs?  Would you tell her to her face that you’re tired of seeing her post her before and after pictures?  Yes?  Good for you.  If not, don’t say it while you’re hiding behind a computer screen shoving Twinkies in your mouth.   If you don’t want to see other people’s successes, unfollow, unfriend or just keep scrolling.  Unless you were born under a rock, you have to have heard the saying, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.” -Bambi movie

This is why I run my TBMG Real Fit Mom fitness challenges in a closed group.  So women have a place to feel comfortable to post whatever they want and know that they won’t be put down or ridiculed.  If they want to share on my RFM Facebook business page, I encourage that.  Even better, if they share on their own page. But not everyone is comfortable doing that.  Those that do, often get crapped on.

If you have a weight problem and glare at the screen when you see your friend post when she reached a goal, reach out to her privately.  Or join one of the hundreds of weight loss Facebook groups.  Many of them have thousands of women in them so the chances of you knowing someone in there is slim.  Start by making small changes in your life, starting with not being a bully when someone else is trying to get fit and healthy.  Focus on you, not how others are doing.  Everyone is different.  We all have different goals, challenges, reasons, stories, set backs, successes and desires.  Find yours.  Just make sure it’s a positive one and one for you.

big_bully_5_by_mindloop-d8f2gwq.png

I am not you. You are not him.

In the fitness world, we are like snowflakes.  No two people trying to lose weight, build muscle, eat healthy are exactly alike.  We have different bodies, different goals, different loves (and hatred) for various forms of exercise and eating.

I love taking walks. I love fun 5k runs (except I walk them).  I’m learning to love lifting.  I love dance fitness DVDs, some of the P90x videos and I now tolerate Brazil Butt Lift about twice a year….for a few days.

I have friends who absolutely do NOT want to weight lift.  For some, they fall under the “I don’t want to look like Arnold” misconception but for many, they just don’t wanna.  I have friends who have to go to the gym and they LOVE to go to the gym.  Some of them can run on the treadmill for an hour.  Some love the different classes.  Some love the weights.

be-kind-220x300

I have friends who hate any form of cardio.  Some of them love to lift weights, some just don’t exercise at all- in any form.

We are all different and I respect each of my friends, their goals, likes, dislikes and opinions.  I even respect the ones who choose to lead unhealthy lifestyles.  They know how I feel.  If they want to jump on the bandwagon, I’ll pull them along myself.

Our fitness movement is growing every day.  Let’s not allow social media to start a war within ourselves- “they” love to do that.  Look what they’ve done to moms and politics.  Let’s band together, learn to love each other, learn from each other, support each other no matter how we choose to get fit and healthy.

Don’t break down others because they don’t share your opinion.  Share your love, share your passion, share your tips and share your advice.  You might just change someone’s perception.

Making a fitness goal…while eating a taco

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.  But it was a chicken taco, homemade.  Ok, Old El Paso homemade but at least it wasn’t Taco Hell which I’m proud to say I haven’t eaten in over a year.  Yuck.

And I only ate one even though I wanted three.  Fortunately my son went back for seconds and ate them all.

I should also confess that I had a slice of pizza for lunch.  Again, I only had one slice where I used to eat two or three.  Everything in moderation!  About an hour later, I really wished I’d had tuna, though.  :/

I started out great this morning.  But that’s pretty much how every day begins.  I had a protein shake, probably not the best one but it beats Coco Puffs and whole milk.  Hey, I’m making changes.  I use Publix vanilla protein powder, Quaker Oats oatmeal and reduced fat Peter Pan crunchy peanut butter (which I bought to make pb&j sandwiches but decided to cut out bread).

Back to my goal.  It’s the same goal I had last year but didn’t come close.  I want to compete in the WBFF (World Beauty Fitness and Fashion show).  My friend, Gina, competed a couple of years ago and won her pro card.  Yes, it would be awesome to win, but my goal is to walk on the stage and not fall on my ass or look stupid.  That’s all I want.

full.jpg  That’s Gina on the right.  Talk about motivation!!!

I know what I have to do.  I know the workouts needed, the coaching I’ll have to get and the foods I will need to eat.  I think I can do it.  There are 113 days until the WBFF comes to Tampa.  Time is running out so I need to put the pizza and tacos down and get busy.

Gina posted a promotional picture for the WBFF a couple of days ago and I liked it.  Today, I went back and commented on it.  I admitted out there for everyone to see that I wanted to do it this year.  About the same time, my friend, Connell, posted a picture of himself at a gym stating that he’s committed to better health.  Having someone who has their pro card believe in me and seeing Connell make his commitment is motivating.  Earlier today, I had a discussion in a group about restless leg syndrome.  A mom told me that once she started exercising regularly, it went away.  That’s motivating. (If you don’t have RLS, consider yourself lucky.  It sucks and is one of the reasons I was induced 2 weeks early with Maggerina Ballerina– shameless plug).

12924393_10209373992805964_753306302817983983_n.jpg   Love this guy!!

Getting rid of my “fat” jeans and pants was motivating.  I don’t want to ever need those again.  I’m not fat but I have fat I don’t want anymore. I have a lot of muscle to build.  Like, a LOT a lot. That’s motivating.  I run fitness challenges and need to be a positive roll model for my fitness moms.  That’s motivating.  So here’s my public announcement (again) that I want to compete in the WBFF on July 23rd, 2016 in Tampa.  Feel free to hound me on my Real Fit Mom Facebook page (like and follow!).  I check it throughout the day so I’ll see your comments and messages.  Are you ready?  Let’s go!!

Now go away so I can get my P90x done for today.  🙂

12472372_10209102213099248_5029504665586219505_n.jpg

What are your fitness goal?  What’s your motivation?  

How do you see me?

A dear friend of mine and a Tampa Bay Moms Group fitness challenge participant posted this article in our group this morning- On Concern For Your Fat Friend’s Health from the blog, Your Fat Friend.  It’s a little long but well worth the read.  I’ll admit I skimmed it the first time but took the time to sit down and read it again.  Really read it.

I’ll be honest.  Many times I do see overweight people as being fat.  Just like I see a black man as a black man.  I see a bratty kid as a bratty kid.  An old, white lady as an old, white lady.  Yes, they are different people underneath but you can’t see that when you look at them.  Read a book and you’ll see the words an author uses to describe someone.  They describe the way they look first.  Throughout the book, you learn to see the real person.  I’ll also be honest in saying that there are times I see overweight moms and want to tell them about my fitness challenges.  But I don’t because I don’t know them or their circumstances.  I’ll also admit that I am able to see beyond that.  There was a woman standing in CVS last week and I first noticed how pretty she was.  Then I noticed her weight and I wondered if others could see past her weight and see the beauty of her face.  And there is more than that.  She could have an amazing personality….or she could be a first rate bitch.  You can’t tell by looking at people on the outside but we can’t walk around getting to know every single person we see on the street and the outside is what we see first.

995331_798798013559665_7588693979169221225_n

As a society we judge.  It’s not right, but we do it.  We look at pretty people and assume they know they are pretty and sometimes we hate them for it. What we don’t know is that they may look in the mirror and see an ugly person wishing they were pretty. There was a mom who I didn’t know that joined my Real Fit Mom closed group on Facebook.  She was always posting about going to the gym and how much she could squat.  She annoyed me.  She annoyed others.  I can’t speak for everyone but for me, I sneered at her because she was actually getting off of her ass and going to the gym while I sat on my ass on Facebook.  Then I got to know her and I absolutely love her.  My best friend walks with her head held high, she’s confident and people assume she’s a bitch.  I’ve been walking behind her and have heard catty women say it flat out.  But, she’s one of the sweetest, caring people I know.

We look at (ok, I’ll just say it) fat people and automatically assume that if they’d just exercise and eat healthy that they will lose weight.  We look at them and assume that they aren’t healthy.  But, as the author of the above blog post states, that’s not always the case.  Just because someone has extra weight, doesn’t mean they aren’t healthy.  Even if they are, it’s not our business to tell them, or our right to judge them.  Chances are, they already know.  That’s between them and their doctor.  Furthermore, not everyone CAN lose weight.  I have two family members who used to be thin.  Both, for different reasons, gained weight but right now, neither one can lose it no matter how hard they try because of health issues.  Your Fat Friend may not be able to lose most of her weight like many others, but there are thousands who can.  I see it every day in fitness groups on Facebook filled with women from all over the world.  Most of them do it with time, exercise, healthy food, persistence and a shit-load of motivation and drive.  I’ve seen children do it as well.  Not everyone has to be fat but for those that do, don’t look at them and assume they are going to die because they are fat.  Chances are, they could have better cholesterol and lower blood pressure than you do.

hqdefault

I decided to read a few other posts from Your Fat Friend and found The Divine Liberation of Calling Myself Fat.  She knows she’s fat and she’s comfortable with it.  She can joke with her close friends about it.  She knows she’s healthy, she knows she’s fat and she’s ok.  Other people will wind up hurting her feelings throughout her life, but she’ll get through those moments and most likely blog about it which can be extremely therapeutic.  Not everyone is that secure and we need to remember that.

I believe that, as a society, we are becoming too sensitive about things.  However, I also believe that we’ve become too comfortable hiding behind our computers.  Before you say something online, stop and think if you’d say it to someone in person.  If you would, and if it’s a mean comment, are you saying it because you’re having a shitty day or are you really just an asshole?  Either way, it’s not right but at the end of the day, you have to live with yourself and your actions- whether those are being a nasty person, an emotional eater, a determined fit mom, a pretty fat girl, an ornery old lady or a black guy wearing Harry Potter socks.

 

Slacker Fattie is dead. Moment of silence….

Okay, that’s long enough.  I’m not sad.  I am a little disappointed I was never able to find someone to create a cartoon character of her so we could have a proper funeral, though.  Here, we’ll mummify her.

images.jpeg

How do I know she’s dead?

It’s the middle of the day.  I just ate lunch (including a handful of mint M&M’s).  I’m in my workout clothes.  I just wrapped up a blog post and decided to take a “powder my nose” break.  I decided to get on the scale which I NEVER do.  The scale is strictly for the morning, after I powder my nose and before I put clothes on activity.  Today I broke that rule.  I’m impatient and don’t feel like waiting until the morning to write this.  Apparently I’m on a blogging roll thanks to my Relentless Challenge moms.  Anyway, I took my tennis shoes off (no need to add that extra weight) and stepped on the scale.  The numbers 132 flashed at me.

On Halloween I hit 129.6 lbs for the first time in years and have seen it off and on since then.  I’ve stayed under 133 even without working out much but with eating better.  I even allowed alcohol back into my diet a bit.  So with not exercising regularly, allowing myself alcohol on occasion, having pumpkin pie, apple pie (at Thanksgiving, not all the time) and even eating some pizza now and again, I am still under 133.

I’m officially declaring Slacker Fattie dead.  There will be no tears.  There will be no ceremony or organ music playing.  She’s kicked to the curb.

Now I know life can toss some curve balls.  I’m perfectly aware that she could tear through the gauze, push off the heavy sarcophagus lid and dig through six feet of healthy food and workouts and haunt my progress.

Cofagrigus.jpg

But she’s been gone for over three months- once the 130’s reappeared on the scale.  That’s a long time for her to be gone.  I’m comfortable calling the time of death- Fall of 2015- and notifying the family- Fit Bitch shed a single tear.  So, goodbye Slacker Fattie.  You are dead, gone and buried.  I won’t miss you.

That one comment makes it all worth it

I spend a lot of time on the fitness challenges that I run for moms on Tampa Bay Moms Group.  With each one, I spend more time since they are getting bigger and bigger.  A lot of time…..like a lot, a lot.

I don’t get paid to work for the website.  It’s been a labor of love ever since my friend, Steffany, and I started it four years ago.  I don’t get paid to run the fitness challenges.  I’ve spent some of my own money to mail prizes and this last time I bought ten journals for the first moms who signed up.

There are many times that I don’t get a workout in for myself because I spend so much time making sure everyone else is making good food choices, getting their workouts in, helping them with their struggles and keeping them involved.

images.jpeg

I didn’t say all that to toot my own horn.  Just the opposite.  The women who have joined my challenges and especially the ones who are involved in Relentless right now have been phenomenal.  Yes some of them quit.  Yes some of them have really bad days and weeks.  Yes some of them get crabby when they want cake.  But many of them keep coming back for more.  They don’t care about the prizes they win (although I know they enjoy them).  They care about themselves.  They want to make themselves healthier.  They want to live longer for their children, to be positive role models.  Some of them have even gotten their husbands to make better choices as well.

This afternoon I sat down and made a list of the accomplishments and changes that the moms have made during the last two weeks.  I posted them on TBMG then shared the link in our Relentless Facebook group.  Normally I ask them to please comment but I was so glad to get the post done that I forgot.  I was so surprised when I checked back on the website later and saw that there were three comments.  Reading them I got goosebumps and tears in my eyes.  Comments like they left, hearing them tell me they are working out with their kids, knowing husbands are joining, seeing them brush off a bad day and beam when they have a good one, make every second I spend on the challenges worth it.  I love these women.  They cheer each other on, check on each other, share and encourage.  It’s extremely humbling knowing I created that.  I don’t look for pats on the back or recognition for the challenges…although one of those massages would be nice!  It’s enough for me to see happy, healthy mommies.

I can’t wait to see how much they grow in the future!!

humbled-bfa.jpg

Happiness is….meeting goals

I’ve been on this yoyo for several years now.  The last two years have been the worst dealing with the neck and back injury I’ll have forever (rear ended in September 2013). I reached my highest weight ever, 153 lbs which for my small 5’4″ frame was a lot for me. I’m used to being in the high teens or low 20’s even after having 5 kids.

I had a breakthrough during my last healthy and fit challenge, Hot For Halloween. I spent 2 weeks not eating much due to some personal issues but it was a big change from my usual emotional eating. That, paired with cutting out fast food, junk food, sweets, pizza and alcohol led me to see the glorious 129.6 on the scale.

image

Although I was extremely elated to see those numbers, the fact that I’d lost 11 inches as well didn’t really sink in until I started trying on non-frumpy clothes. I haven’t done much clothes shopping in the last several years. I’ve spent a lot of time in sweats and workout clothes.  I told Hubby he was NOT allowed to take me shopping until I’d hit 125 and he’s stuck to that. I’ve been squeezing my fat into my size 5 jeans, shorts and capris or into clothes my older daughters didn’t want- or were too big for them. I’m so, so glad to get rid of 6 pair of fat pants and shorts!!!

Yesterday, Hubby asked if I wanted to run errands with him. Standing in my closet trying to figure out what to wear used to end with me in tears. I eyed my old size 5 jeans and wondered…..all the other times I’ve tried to get them on they wouldn’t even slide over my thighs. But yesterday, they went over my thighs, over my butt and then the real test….I was able to zip AND button them!! There was a little muffin top but they looked good!! No more saggy too big jeans!! Those are off to Goodwill!

So this is what meeting your goal looks like. This is what success looks like. This is what pure happiness looks like.

image

image

And I’m not finished yet!!