I suck…..BUT I never stop fighting!

I suck.

I suck at blogging. I suck at working out. I suck at eating healthy. I suck at getting challenge prizes out on time. I suck at running fitness challeges.

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BUT, I never give up.  I never stop fighting.

Scroll through my blog titles and you’ll see so many that read, “Day 1.” “Day 1 again.” “Starting over,” “Starting over again,” “Starting over again, again….”

What you’ll never read is, “I give up…and mean it.” I’ve “given up” or “quit” but only in a moment of frustration. I’m sitting on my bed after spending an hour on Facebook drinking a protein smoothie and my first cup of water because the last thing I did on Facebook before I made myself get up was add the new weekly post challenge to our fitness challenge group encouraging them to eat healthy, exercise and drink more water. Yeah, that was a long sentence. I encourage my mom’s every day to do their best but I don’t. How can I expect them to give it their all when I don’t? Because I suck.

It took me two years to lose 25 lbs. TWO YEARS!!!!! Why? Because I’m lazy and unmotivated. Because I suck.  I see pictures labeled “January…….March” and see such a big difference in those women in just three months. I think, “Wow, if I’d gotten off my ass that could be me.” But I don’t. Because I suck.

Today I’m getting up. Today I am finishing my 64 oz of water and eating right. Today I will even finally do Day 2 of Bikini Body Mommy…..while everyone else is on Day 36. I can still catch up. ūüėČ Today, I don’t wanna suck.

Today I will send out more emails to potential sponsors. Today I will mail out the rest of the prizes with lots of apologies (I’m sooooo thankful to have such understanding fitness moms) (okay, it may be tomorrow). Today I will not suck.

Tomorrow, well, that’s for tomorrow. Tomorrow I might suck. Hell, I might wind up sucking today. It’s only 10:30 and I have a long to-do list. It’s much easier to sit here on my phone. But, today, I don’t wanna suck.

I think of all of the people who can’t get up and do.  But I can. Today, I will do my best not to suck, for them. Today, I don’t wanna suck.

Let’s not suck today!!!!!

What do you suck at? How do you make yourself get up and be not sucky?

You don’t have to be rich to be fit.

Prince’s song “Kiss” popped in my head when I typed the title for this post.

If you follow me, you know I run fitness challenges through the website I co-founded, Tampa Bay Moms Group. ¬†Recently, someone told me I should become a Beachbody coach and advertise in my challenges. ¬†I’ve thought about it because I have bought a few workout programs from BB but it goes against what I’m trying to teach my moms. ¬†I used to sell Visalus, too, and almost hit the button to rejoin. ¬†But, again, I just couldn’t go against what I believe in.

I was just reading a post in a Facebook group I’m in about “rich girl fitness.” ¬†You know what I’m talking about. ¬†The girls who look perfect in their perfectly matched Lulu Lemon workout clothes and Asics tennis shoes. ¬†They have the time to make perfect healthy snacks and meals, oh, and the money to buy the organic ingredients. ¬†But that’s not real life for many of us on our fitness journey.

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I’m a work-for-free-at-home mom of 4 on one income with 3 of us in college not using student loans, a son who plays golf and a daughter who is a competitive dancer.¬†I don’t have time or the money for this perfect shit.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. ¬†“Real fit mom” means I’m a REAL mom trying to get fit. ¬†My Reebok weight set was a birthday gift from my aunt. ¬†My exercise ball and yoga ring were a birthday gift from my biological mom. ¬†P90x was copied by a friend (shhhh). ¬†P90x 3 and Brazil Butt Lift were bought for me by my husband with promises that I’d complete the programs (shhhhh). ¬†My Asics were a birthday gift from my biological step-dad (long story).

If you have time to make dinner, you have time to workout. ¬†Do squats while waiting for the water to boil, step in place while rinsing off dishes, do lunges up and down the hall while the pancakes are pancaking (what do pancakes do??). ¬†You do laundry, right? ¬†Use the detergent bottle or box as a weight. ¬†Got a baby or a toddler? ¬†There’s your gym. ¬†If you have Internet, you have workouts galore at your fingertips- all free. ¬†Bikini Body Mommy, Body Rock, thousands of videos on Youtube. ¬†It’s all FREE!

Most of my workout clothes are hand-me-downs or from Marshall’s/TJ Maxx/Ross. ¬†Or I wear shorts, sweatpants or pj pants. ¬†I don’t have a gym membership (accidentally typed membershit). ¬†I’ve tried but I’m just not a gym person. ¬†It took me 2 years to lose 25 lbs (started at 153 after a car accident) because I’m lazy. ¬†I don’t buy organic, I food prep once every 4-5 months, I don’t buy fad shakes or foods. ¬†My protein powder is the cheapest I could find at Walmart.

I workout at home. ¬†I cut out fast food, pizza, alcohol and junk food (saved a bunch of money, too). ¬†I go on walks- those are free. ¬†If I’m having a bad day, you’ll read about it on here. ¬†If I drank a 32 oz Screwdriver, ate chips and salsa, Runts, a root beer, Capn’ Crunch with whole milk, I’ll be honest about it (yup, that’s what I had yesterday).

I have self esteem issues so I usually don’t take pictures of myself. ¬†When I do take selfies, my hair and make up is usually done. ¬†I’m trying to get over that- which you saw in my post about my fitness moms buying me a Fitbit. ¬†I’m not trying to look perfect or fit into “rich girl fitness” I’m just afraid to put myself out there most times.

There ARE real people getting fit out there. ¬†You just have to find them. ¬†If you happen to have found me, yay! ¬†My goal was to just inspire one person. ¬†I did that but it’s an addiction and I want to inspire more. ¬†If you like my blog, share it. ¬†If it’s not for you, move along! ¬†Whatever you do, don’t fall for the schemes and scams and, as my 9 year old says, “Do you, be you.” #maggerinaballerina #doyoubeyou

Do You, Be You

My youngest daughter and I came up with “do you, be you” one day before she went on stage to dance. ¬†She uses the hashtag often on her Instagram pictures. ¬†I’m raising her to dance for herself and to not compare herself to other dancers.

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I shared the phrase with my fitness moms, too. ¬†We just started a new fitness challenge on Tampa Bay Moms Group called Relentless*. ¬†These women fit the word to a “T”. ¬†They are determined, motivated, passionate and goal-oriented. ¬†They support each other and don’t care about the prizes they can win (although they do get excited when I dangle some goodies in front of them). ¬†Each of them has a different body type and different goals. ¬†One will have a great day and another will have a crummy one. ¬†But so far they come back each morning rearing and ready to go! ¬†They are there for them, to make themselves healthier.

The phrase ¬†is mine as well. ¬†Last night I posted on Facebook that I was thinking about becoming a Beachbody Coach. ¬†I have three of their programs and love them even though I’ve yet to complete any of them. ¬†With this newest challenge, I’m hoping to finally complete Brazil Butt Lift and P90x3 (P90x will be for the next challenge). ¬†I had some friends tell me to go for it, some offered other choices but one stuck out the most. ¬†I’ve only met T a few times but she already gets me- “Keep doing you!! Either way you’ll be successful. Who knows maybe you will start your own chain or franchise..”

I chose “Real Fit Mom” very carefully. ¬†I know it makes it sound like I’m already a fit mom but that wasn’t why I chose it- because I wasn’t‚Ķand am still not. ¬†I’ll admit, I’ve seen other moms create franchises from their little beginnings and I thought maybe that could be me. ¬†But I know nothing about that part so I’ve just kept working on myself and continuing with my goal to just inspire one person. ¬†I started doing fitness challenges to hold myself accountable. ¬†I saw other moms struggling to keep their goals and figured, what the hell? ¬†Many were failures- the challenges not the moms. ¬†Although we failed a lot. ¬†But many of the moms have stuck with me and kept asking for another challenge.

Things changed when I began the Healthy and Fit Challenge back in June. ¬†I wanted to focus more on health than just on “losing weight.” ¬†Moms walked away with some great goodies and even though we didn’t meet our goals, we were all still there in the end (they even voted to add 30 more days at the end of the 90 day challenge because they knew they could do more). And they started leading healthier lives. ¬†The Hot For Halloween was kind of a dud and a lot of that was me. ¬†I had some personal issues going on and slacked off on motivating the moms. ¬†But they slacked off, too. ¬†I left it up to them if they wanted another challenge and they wanted to start right then! ¬†#nevergiveup #noexcuses

I just realized I got off track about talking about me‚Ķwhich is rare. ¬†Haha! ¬†Soooo, after a lot of thought since last night, and some motivational words from a new friend and more from my motivational half-brother, I’ve decided to just keep being me. ¬†It’s working, for the most part, so far. ¬†I have some big plans for my fitness moms and the challenges for the future. ¬†If RFM becomes a household name- fabulous. ¬†But if it’s just in a few homes in the Tampa Bay area, I’m perfectly fine with that.

You are your first priority.  #doyoubeyou

*Totally unrelated and a waste of time for you to read, but Relentless was the name of first alliance I was in while playing the time-wasting game, Kingdoms of Camelot on Facebook (I gained some forever friends on there, though). ¬†Before we went to war we’d go in the game chat box and yell, “RELENTLESS!!!” ¬†It seemed like a good title for a fitness challenge. ¬†ūüėČ

New year, new challenge, new me

Wow. 2009. That’s when I joined my first weight loss challenge. I lost 20 pounds, came in third place for the first challenge and first for another. Since then I’ve tried running or participating in several challenges and haven’t done well- mostly because I didn’t finish.

But 2015 is a new year. I’m very thankfully putting 2014 behind me and have already made several changes. I’ve cut out many of my favorites like soda, pizza, fast food, sugary cereal, whole milk, chips and queso. I’ve reduced my nightly 32 Oz cocktails to one (if that) on the weekend. Honesty,  I’d be okay with not having one at all until I’m finished with my current challenge.

I started a Fit and Sexy by Spring fitness challenge on Tampa Bay Mom’s Group which started the day Bikini Body Mommy 3.0 began. I’m drinking kale smoothies, fixing myself healthier dinner foods while my family still eats pasts, pizza and chicken parm. I’m addicted to roasted brussel sprouts and am learning to food prep.

I don’t think I made this many changes for my first challenge, although I made a LOT- most of which were very unwillingly. I’m happily making better decisions. I’m doing this for me and to help out other moms. I’m also participating in a Biggest Loser Challenge with a sizeable money pot. I’m ready. I’m determined. I want to do this.

Sorry to Slacker Fattie. You have already been reduced by ten pounds since the beginning of November. You will continue to be reduced slowly but surely. Fit Bitch will conquer you. Once you’re gone, you’re gone.

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I know

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I hide my body from my husband. I’m ashamed of the extra forty-five pounds I’ve gained since we got married twenty-one years ago.

I know I will never be the 103 pounds I was on that spring day in May when he made me his wife. I wouldn’t look healthy. I know that I have given birth to five beautiful babies and don’t pay any mind to the stretch marks across my butt. I know that he still finds me attractive and still loves me.

I know.

But I don’t have to accept it. Once again I find Halloween coming up quickly. We dress up every year and either go out or have a party to go to. I have some sexy costumes I’d like to wear again instead of hiding under togas and tents. I have thirty-two days.

Yesterday I posted clean eating tips and am taking things one day at a time trying to follow them. I do better when it’s crunch time because I’m the Queen of Procrastination. I’m picking up the workout schedule my trainer, Douglas, had me on during my first challenge six years ago. I have time to do three thirty minute workouts a day. And I WILL do them!

My accountability partner is going to yell at me for breaking my promise but for now, I’m doing three twenty minute workouts until I catch up on Bikini Body Mommy. Once I catch up I’ll switch to a thirty minute walk and thirty minutes doing Just Dance or using one of my other workout DVDs.

I CANNOT and WILL NOT be hefty for another Halloween. I want to feel better. I want to be fit and healthy. I want to FEEL sexy again. Halloween is a great motivator for me. I’m doing this for me.

Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!

For me first- Hubby second.

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No Excuses!!! …maybe that one…

I’m a firm believer in No Excuses when it comes to working out.

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I’m also the Queen of Excuses. Tearing ligaments in my knee was a legitimate excuse. Eating crappy was not. Getting rear ended was a legitimate excuse. Eating take out for two months was not. Using ‘my mother-in-law has cancer’ as an excuse was not anywhere near a good excuse. Yes I was busier BUT I still had twenty minutes a day to do Bikini Body Mommy. Lazy.

In four months I will be at the seven year mark at trying to get fit. SEVEN YEARS!!!! Talk about laziness! I can’t even remember what my latest excuse was for falling off of Bikini Body Mommy at Day 19 this time. Ahhhh, we are renovating our house. That’s been a workout in itself but I’m pretty sure Hubby would have been okay with me taking twenty minutes every morning to do a workout.

Lame.

I pulled up YouTube on Tuesday ready to pick up where I left off and saw Brianna’s final video.

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I was so happy to hear she was re-releasing BBM 2.0 in six days! Well, now four. I’m giving myself one more shot at this challenge. I know I can do it. I just need to stop making excuses. It’s twenty freakin minutes. I have twenty minutes a day. I’m not a morning person but if I know it’s going to be a jam packed day (not the norm for me) I’ll have to suck it up and wake up twenty minutes early.

After seeing the video I decided to wait until September 8th for the challenge to start and get back to my six mile walk in the mean time. After dinner, after doing multiplication flash cards with my son, I strapped on my Asics and grabbed my headphones. Hubby was headed out to the parts store and I told him I was going on my walk. He told me to make sure the teenager watched the Littles.

There was a little thunder rumbling in the distance so I grabbed a Hello Kitty umbrella and off I went. The more I walked, the closer the thunder drew and with it some awesome lightning. I walked a mile then saw this:

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So I looked at my Weather Bug and saw this:

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I took this video:
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Then Hubby called.

“WHERE ARE YOU?!”

On my way home dear!

He was out looking for me. So sweet. He even let me walk home instead of making me get in the car. In this case, there was a good excuse for me to not walk the whole six miles. When I got home the teenager ratted out Dad and told he he asked, “She went where?!?!” More proof that men don’t actually listen to women. Hahaha!

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A little is better than nothing and at least I got over a mile and had an inspiration for a blog post. I need to stop making excuses. We need to stop making excuses.

Life is too short to keep putting off what we can do right now.

Make the time.

Get the shit done!

New Fitness Challenge!!

I started another weight loss challenge yesterday on Tampa Bay Moms Group.¬† I always say I’m not going to do anymore because so many people drop out (me included) but I’m a sucker for helping other moms get fit and healthy so when asked, I do!

I feel a little bit like Bikini Body Mommy because I’m actually two weeks ahead- since I started BBM two weeks ago.¬† I haven’t lost anything yet but I am getting into the habit of working out every day which is a huge step for me.¬† Every time I start over I say I’m “determined to finish this time” but don’t.¬† This time I have an accountability partner that’s in it not for me to look sexy but to help me become healthier.¬† It’s kind of ironic that she’s a foodie and travels all over the world eating whatever she wants while I’m eating tons of eggs.¬† But even she has learned that while certain people can eat whatever they want, without some self control and exercise, weight will creep on…especially as we get older.

This has been an eight year battle for me and has caused depression, anxiety, even more self esteem issues than I already had, marital problems and having ‘fat shorts’ in my closet.¬† I’ve seen a scale read 153 lbs with me on it.¬† I know I’ll never be the 103 lbs that I was twenty-one years ago before I had my first child but I also know that 153 lbs is not a healthy weight for my small 5’4″ frame.¬† I’m glad for my accountability partner who reminds me I need to do this for my health (while I’m hiding in my closet yelling “I just wanna be sexy again!!”).

Almost five years ago I created Slacker Fattie and Skinny Bitch.¬† Skinny Bitch was renamed Fit Bitch after a ‘DOH!’ moment that I was supposed to be focusing on being fit and healthy on the inside instead of obsessing about what I looked like on the outside.¬† I came across this picture recently and it was the perfect vision of Fit Bitch chiseling away at Slacker Fattie.

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It takes an artist a long time to create a sculpture.¬† It took a while for the weight to pile up and I have to remember that it’s going to take a while for it to come off (see Patience is (not) a Virtue (of mine) that I posted recently).¬† On September 5th, it will be one year since I was rear ended leaving me unable to do much of anything for three months.¬† Although I’m still dealing with neck and back pain, I’m taking my life back.¬† I’m being very careful but can’t sit around anymore watching that number on the scale continue to rise.

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I am tired of starting over.¬† But I’m not giving up.