Looking back to my high school and college years I realize that I appeared to be very ditsy. It seems the older I got the ditsier I appeared and soon became the brunt of blond jokes even though I’m a brunette. It wasn’t until I was eight months pregnant with my last baby that I was finally diagnosed with Adult ADD. The majority of the time I’m able to laugh at myself when my friends poke fun at me, but there are times that I just sit down and cry- usually in the closet or shower where no one can see or hear me.
What people don’t understand is how debilitating ADD can be. Have you ever put you children in time out and forgotten about them? What about when your husband comes home, the kids tell him they were in time out but when he asks why you can’t remember? It’s not just little things that most people do. If you look at ADD symptoms most people do one or two of them. But when you do all or most of those things it’s down right debilitating. I’ve lost friends because I don’t remember to send them messages on Facebook. I’ve ticked people off by forgetting to post something on the website I work for. I irritate my husband daily by never finishing cleaning one room. It was bad enough when my older kids started picking up on my little oddities but now the younger two are starting to see it. My 6 year old son gets in my face when I don’t answer him because I’m so tuned into a show on TV, a good book or something on the internet. I can’t stand editing anything I write because I see the evidence of my ADD so clearly it’s as if there is a little guy with a megaphone shouting, “SHE HAS ADD!”
Just yesterday a friend of mine was in a store talking to the owner. The owner mentioned that I was supposed to to bring in my carpet cleaner for her to borrow but hadn’t done it yet. In my defense, I think, my friend told her I have ADD and forget to do things a lot. I can’t be upset because it’s true. But, I hate it. I hate that I start to clean the kitchen, go in the playroom to put something away then start cleaning in there. Then I take something into my room then start cleaning my room. I never get anything done. I hate that I tell someone I’m going to do something or send them information but forget by the time I get home. What’s even worse is when a friend will come over to help, gets things done quickly then says how easy it was. It’s not easy at all when your brain wanders so much that you can’t complete simple tasks. I feel like a bad wife, bad friend and especially a bad mom.
I hate having ADD. I hate not feeling normal. I hate using ADD as an excuse. I hate that I can’t fix it. I take Adderall but usually don’t remember to take it. And what’s really bad is that I have an alarm on my phone to remind me! It goes off and I press snooze because I’m in the middle of something. I’ll hit snooze 4-5 times then eventually turn it off, usually never getting up to take it. When I do remember to take it on a regular basis the symptoms are definitely lessened but don’t go away completely.
It took going to two doctors and a psychologist to finally get diagnosed but I did. I researched ADD a lot, took several quizzes and talked to the shrink several times before pushing my doctor to put me on Adderall. If any of this describes your life, not if you do some of this every once in a while but if it affects your daily life, I strongly urge you to talk to your doctor. Don’t let them brush you off either. Keep bugging them until they listen to you.
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